Alright, this is my neglected blog, mainly because I have been trying to be a less cranky asshole of late. I truly have been working on being a nicer guy, mostly unsuccessfully but reading your own asshole words was an easy place to improve. In fact I have branched out into complaining about movies and then writing some other crap for my brain to play with. Nothing really for this blog. But I have to put on my cranky bastard hat and take a run at Pokemon Go!
I like the general idea behind this game, I mean a video game that gets kids out and into the open world. Sure some of the little fuckers are going to wander into traffic in their desperate hunt for a Weedle or a Charmander (Alright so I tried the damn game), but hey it got them off their ass. Now they have a chance to be a less fat guy than me. Good for this game. It also is getting people to see things in their cities they may not even know exists, that is cool. Like in our city their is this stupid Adam and Eve statue not far from where I live, courtesy of Pokemon Go Stops, I now know this, that and my wife.
But here goes my bitching. First off, it is a shit deal for the kids in the suburbs. Our neighbourhood, a new one in Calgary, has no god damn Pokemon. You want some of these creatures on your phone? Drive downtown. Now we have kids wandering the streets with the bums in downtown Calgary, great. So kids get totally screwed out of playing a game that should really be for them. But it is adults with the ability to go downtown and play that are benefitting and lets face it adults are actually the core demo on this.
How am I so sure? Because one of those adults is my wife. I introduced her to the game to show her what people are raving about and I turned her into a Pokejunkie in the process. I shit you not, a common conversation in our house is “Honey will you drive me downtown so I can go around and collect Pokemon”. And now I am the goddamn PokeUber criss-crossing the grid so she can hit as many Pokemon Go Stops and collect as many as possible. It is insane. We roll up to a park and there are a ton of adults glued to their phone playing. None of them socializing, so those of you claiming this game is social, I call Bullshit. On top of that some dude was walking down the middle of a street downtown while we were driving, playing his Pokemon game and I had to stop the car in the middle of the road for him. Better yet dude still just narrowly missed walking right into my car and he looks at me like “Mother Fucker, you are parked on my Pikachu, what are you doing there.”
So congrats to Pokemon for making a bunch of people get off their asses, claim they are social without talking, collect a bunch of creatures and then almost get run over. I would also like to thank you for taking my wife away. I am going to have to setup an Ashley Madison account now, or dress up in a Pikachu costume not sure which one I will despise more. Pokemon Go! you are killing this guy!