Please Cancel The FIFA Women’s World Cup In Canada!


At the risk of being labelled a misogynist and chauvinist pig, I bring you this post.  One intended to laugh at the ludicrous nature of sport, radical feminism and the current litigious society we live in.  This is my call for Canada to cancel the 2015 Women’s World Cup.

A group of women, some forty, participants in fact, in the upcoming world cup have raised some concerns.  They are not interested in playing on the artificial turf for this tournament.  Actually I should rephrase that, they are totally cool with playing on it but first they would like to bitch and moan about it.  I will be honest, I see the turf as less than ideal, and I can see it as something they should voice their displeasure with.  I however do not see it as a matter of human rights and gender inequality.  In fact that is the most ridiculous notion I have ever heard.

These forty gals (I will now be moving to a tongue-in-cheek way of making references to women, because I just assume this is all a joke) think they have a legitimate case for a charter challenge in Canada on this playing surface issue.  You see the men would never have to play on it.  The funny thing is, the men will never be playing a world cup in Canada, we don’t know what they will play on. I could live for five hundred years and Canada will never even qualify for a world cup let alone host it. Currently our men are an admirable rank of 118th in FIFA standings.  Ahead of us rank the very well known nations of Benin and Gabon.  Ten spots ahead of us is Luxembourg, a nation with half the people that live in my city.  We are really taking the world by storm.  In 2012 we were 74, and in 2013 we climbed all the way to 64.  You can see we are going in the right direction with a 54 position drop, year to year.  In December of 1996 we topped out at number 40.  My soccer crazed nation has only once even attended the World cup.  In 1986 Canada went to the World Cup, and proceeded to go down in three defeats and score exactly zero goals.  In 1962 we withdrew from the qualifying round.  That is right, we are so bad at soccer we quit early.  Why embarrass ourselves.

Now we have established that there is a gender inequality in Canada regarding soccer.  I mean the women get to play a world cup here and, well, the men might be asked to fold the national team any day now.  The don’t have to play on artificial turf, they don’t get to play on anything at all.

Laughing at our wonderful soccer record aside, lets get back to the matter at hand.  This group of ladies feels they are being violated by having to play on substandard field.  The problem is the men have been faced with this issue.  And what did they do when faced with having to play in qualifiers for 2014 world cup on turf (I know funny isn’t it, why are they even trying). They refused to play!  Seems like a way to handle it to me.  So we have established now Canada will put their men on turf too.  That being said the letter does refer to elite level competition, and well I don’t think Canada’s men fit the bill.

So what are these headstrong, gender champion, moral warriors going to do to prove their point?  Well they are going to play the damn games.  That’s right you heard them, they are so pissed they are going to……play?  What the fuck is the point?  You hired lawyers because you felt so violated by this human rights issue.  The only thing is that you aren’t willing to stand your ground, you won’t refuse to play.  Give me a break.  You want me to take you seriously but you won’t sacrifice for the gender equality you hold so dearly.

So you lose me as a supporter, because instead of complaining about the turf because it sucks.  It doesn’t meet your quality standards (things I could back).  You make it a bullshit human rights complaint.  You tell me you are being treated poorly because you are a woman not because Canada thinks soccer sucks and doesn’t have the facilities.  Forget it, I can’t support your asinine argument. Come back to me when you start using your brains.  Victim speech has gotten old.

So here is my pitch.  The Canadian government has set aside $15 million for this event.  That is the none infrastructure related money they are giving.  In Edmonton, as an example, the facility (an infrastructure cost) has needed over $2 million of renovations.  That all comes out of joe tax payers pocket.  Lets put a stop to these projects immediately, refund the $15 million and tell them to take their ball somewhere else.  I suggest the pick such bastions of women’s rights as Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan.  Really any country governed on head scarves and honour killings seems to be a better fit.  I am sure they play on grass in those locations!

2 thoughts on “Please Cancel The FIFA Women’s World Cup In Canada!

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